Rock bottom 

You stared into the mirror
pushed a blade into your face
sick of the reflection
the never ending race
you choke yourself on coffee
write reminders on the wall
stuff paper in you eyeballs
as you lay down in the hall
you rest your head upon the floor
cant face another day
you stare into the emptiness
and wish your life away
you know they're out to get you
cos you heared it on the news
you know they know your guilty
and they've all got their own views
well I have walked on water
and floated on the clouds
I have been to hell and back
and screamed your name out loud
I've breathed in dissapointment
kept your secrets in a drawer
I've let things go without a word
while you were keeping score
and I have reached rock bottom
I have reached rock bottom
I have reached the end.©

I think I'm going mad

Comatose zombies travelling to work
wearing paper masks of silent dispair
the quiet chattering of damage repair
I think I'm going mad.

Bible bashing bigots with bulimic brains
preach to the masses their dogmatic restraints
their eyes peeling backwards against the grain
I thinkI'm going mad.

Splitting headache in the side of my brain
as my heads tectonic plates rub together again
and all hope is lost in a flurry of pain
I think I'm going mad.

The machine of life has pinned me down
it's white hot intentions burned in my flesh
I cant take no more, I just need to rest
I think I'm going mad.©

No warmth to send my way

The bitterest wind you've ever known
blows through through your empty soul
you know this is the end of the line
nowhere else to hide, nowhere left to go

You tried so hard, so very hard
and you wish you could be stronger
but this pain is just too big
and you can't take it no longer

You say your gonna leave the house
and drive into the hills
with alcohol and barbiturates
and choke yourself on pills

No room left in your heart
no warmth was sent your way
the world moves, but you remain
stuck in these awful days.©

Feeling scared

Life like a landslide, it just caves in again
the heavens fall in like a blanket of sorrow
the black dog comes again and
paralyses me with it's steely gaze
mesmerising and analysing
constricting and controlling
my every thought compressed
through tiny plastic tubes
into the vein of unconscious bewilderment
gently cradled in the arms of god's punishment
a sterile ghost of human life
detatched and infertile
corroded and tarnished
encapsulated by negativity, it must be time
I'm feeling scared.....©

Dead eyes

The sun shone on the desolation as if to highlight the aching pain
sorrowful children with dirty faces
walk with heads bowed like mourners at a funeral
playing with bricks that once stood proud
inside a sea of a thousand more
torn curtains line the windows, exposing the desperation within
outstreached for miles, the houses never end
the desperation never ends.
the struggle that blights this pitiful land
rolls on and on in endless circles
I harbour these feelings like a hand of cards held tight to my chest
the sorrow coagulates, never leaving my heavy heart
and still the circle rolls on and on.
children play with dead eyes pinned to their dirty faces
surrounded by the suffering that struggle brings
but today is just another day
and the days never end, the desperation never ends
and as tears stain dirty faces
the dead eyes close, they've seen too much.©

Yearning something never found

A bottle of wine, another bottle of wine
I want to shed my skin
drink myself to another life, a life that I fit in
I feel alone, not in control, a shadow of myself
I'm feeling trussed, completly bound
yearning something never found
life isn't shiny or happy
your born and misery starts
sometimes I fucking hate myself
the blood drains from my heart
I'm losing faith at rapid speed
slowly dying from a fatal disease
a picture of misery within four walls
trying to ignore the devils call.©

Lessons learned fingers burned

My words fell flat, you didn't seem to understand
I'd finally found a place were I belong
but you didn't want to know
kept me tied to a day that means nothing to no one
so here I am putting on weight in a failing mental state
surrounded by the lies you spin
sick of this situation you've put me in
sick and tired of the way you win
at the expense of my heart
one day it will be over, but for now I must suffer
looking into the eyes of the killer
how did I come to hate her
so hot I'm burning out my skin
lessons learned, fingers burned.©

The living hell of being

The ticking clock reverberates
like a hammer blow on empty steel
solitude bites like a winter frost
what I touch I cannot feel
an invisible ghost to the outside world
translucent to recognition
not even the stranger in the mirror knows
his personal war of attrition
malaise engulfs like a forest fire
in the living hell of being
sanctity evades like a passing ship
in the tangled web of feelings
I will not crack I will not break
I told myself for years
but I was swept up in the waves
and drowned in my worst fears.©

Silent scream

Routine routine, dont deviate
dont move too quick, you will castrate
your karma from your feelings of hate
a dream of grey fed from your plate.
A meek maggot with itchy anxiety
I squeeze gently on the trigger of morality
held to my head the gun of finality
the bitter blow of painful reality.
More work less perks, no money in the pot
cant afford to keep you, gonna keep the lot
a silent victim of a dictators regime
the deafening sound of a silent scream.
A conscientious objector from the maddening rules
only invented so we look like fools
a megalomaniacs joy, a shithouses pain
It's their madness, driving me insane. ©

A troubled soul

I'm just keeping my head above water
just staying ahead of the game
one false move could end in disaster
hit head on by a train.
The narrow path I maintain
is breaking up ahead
into stepping stones of weariness
remembering the words you said.
The truth can be your enemy
I've found out to my cost
I can never work out why
I get so hopelessly lost.
Some days I want to leave the house
and never come back home
lost in a world of lonliness
a weak heart, a troubled soul.©

The intensity of nothingness

There's so much beauty in the world, but I can't see any of it
I know it exists, but I see the worst in everything
and sometimes I can't even get angry
I just breath in the sharp air and let it fall out again
until I'm bereft of energy
the intensity of nothingness is utterly overwhelming
it crashes over me like a fifty foot wave, choking and confusing
I could be anything, but i am nothing
my life has lost it's symmetry, if ever it was there
just getting out of bed sometimes seems an inssurmountable summit
as I face another cold day in hell
I wish the world around me would just disappear
so I dont have to face up to my mundane existence.©

Lullaby

Sing me a lullaby as I lay here and die
talk to me sweetly of the days gone by
tell me your stories, pour yourself wine
we can pretend it's not the end of the line
so my time has come but I'm not afraid
I'm stronger than strong, you must be the same
we've got some great memories, you and I
funny how time just fly's on by
only seems like yesterday we met one another
we got caught kissing by your father and mother
who'd have thought then we'd have kids of our own
a beautiful life, a beautiful home
and through it all I loved you every day
but I'm getting tired, I cannot stay
I'll cherish every second we spent together
and long for the day we'll be together forever
oh well my love it's time for my sleep
remember me fondly as we hold hands and weep
and I ask for the lord to bless this day
sing me a lullaby as I slip away.©

Dealing with death

I hug myself to try and squeeze out the agony
with nothing to hide behind i'm as exposed as a winter tree
I see no hope ahead, no nothing, no life
lost in a haze of injustice.
As a road a thousand miles long unfolds before me
like a barren desert of time
I feel like a helpless child again
looking for some help to stand
people surround, yet I'm so alone
in the aching hours of minutes elapsed
they offer to me the kindest of words
yet somehow it makes me feel worse.
The rings round my eyes as black as the nights
and the crows that circle above
and it's only at times as lonely as these
you'll know the true value of love.©

The city walls

Fear came seeping out the city walls
damage being done behind closed doors
the wind is changing direction
lives are changing forever.
The city walls are closing in
this dark place knows my secrets
black building's melt around me
like lava through the streets.
And all the time you watch me
from your filthy little cage
you have your little lookouts
all crazy and deranged.
The stench of rotting corpses
through the city gutters
I'm being followed by your people
the druggies and the nutters.
Your hanging people from the trees
they're crying out in pain
singed from being battered
by the black volcanic rain.
Your singing as you slaughter
you do all this for fun
you hope the rain continues
so you'll never see the sun.©

Wolves

Frenzied like a wolf
picking over the remains
you know what you've got to do
to keep the wolves away.

You have to go, you cannot stay
you have to run the hills away
you must go now, dont look back
the wolves are circling in a pack.

On the move, they know your name
they know you cannot win the game
they sit and wait for your next move
they watch you from the hills and roof's.

They're in the shadows, at the end of the bed
the throbbing pain inside your head
your last thought as you go to sleep
the screaming lamb's and slaughtered sheep.©

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